I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
this hospital has no fireball
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
