I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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