just come out here and I will go home with you...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
