Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
