She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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