I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
