I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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