What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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