i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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