i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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