Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
