Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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