He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
