People with herpes should wear stickers.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
