Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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