i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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