Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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