I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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