he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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