i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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