last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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