You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i drank out of a bidet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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