i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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