I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
