Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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