I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
