Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
