Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
