YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
