Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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