I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
