I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
