Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
