Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
