ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
