it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
