like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
