think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
