Jerry, you need to find god
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
