but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
