just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
