if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
