Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
