its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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