There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
