In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
