he was CRYING into my vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
