I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
