i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
