I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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