we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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