This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
