She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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