I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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