You kept calling me your small dog last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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