I am puke
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
