I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
