lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
