chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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