IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize