I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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