I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm passing your future prison.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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