11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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