Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
