The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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