If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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