My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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