Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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