5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
